Reasons of Failure
by Loteva
Summary: Two-shot, Parody/Humour. During "The Phantom Menace". 01. Darth Maul explains to his Master why he didn't kill Qui-Gon Jinn on Tatooine. 02. What caused Qui-Gon's downfall?
1. Reasons of Failure

Summary: Two-shot, Parody/Humour. During "The Phantom Menace". 01. Darth Maul explains to his Master why he didn't kill Qui-Gon Jinn on Tatooine.

Standard disclaimer applies.

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**Reasons of Failure**

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Darth Sidious, the Dark Lord of the Sith and the most evil mastermind the galaxy has ever seen, sat comfortably on a plush armchair and regarded the magnificent view of Coruscant's skyline from his apartment windows at the very top of the enormous skyscraper, while taking careful sips of his hot, syrupy sweet beverage. After a long day of plotting and manipulating the naive sheep in the Senate, away from the probing eyes and omnipresent surveillance of the public, he could finally shed his well-rounded persona of a good-hearted noble Naboo senator and answer to the alluring call of the Dark Side. Immersed in its rejuvenating current, he was able to see into the future.

This time, however, there were no visions of galactic war and suffering, of the demise of the Jedi or of his absolute reign. The Force merely warned him his apprentice was about to make a call. Darth Sidious sighed, annoyed at being interrupted during the meditation. Nevertheless, he got up and trudged to the comm station.

'What is it, Darth Maul?' he asked cuttingly, as the call barely connected. 'Did you succeed in your mission?'

A slight tremble went through the blue-white holoprojection of Maul, who bowed in deference to his liege, the drawn hood obscuring the face of the Sith. It could have been caused by the unstable signal, but Sidious knew better. The quake originated from fear, not a technical malfunction.

'Master, the Jedi and the Queen escaped from my grasp,' Maul bravely delivered the bad news.

'And however did that happen, my illustrious apprentice?' Darth Sidious asked sarcastically. He wasn't all too angry or surprised, having sensed Qui-Gon Jinn's continued pollution of the Force. However, he was severely disappointed Maul didn't manage to nab that brat Kenobi, at least. Though the Sith apprentice was much too over his head claiming he could take on a Jedi Master of Jinn's caliber, just a measly padawan learner should be a piece of cake for him.

'There were... complications, my Master,' Maul himself winced, hearing that weak of an explanation.

'Do go on,' Sidious said dryly and folded his hands.

'The Queen's party split up. Most of them stayed on the ship, while Jinn, a woman and a... strange bipedal creature went to a local settlement in search of ship parts. I dispatched the probe droids, which confirmed that the Queen had switched with one of her servants and left with Jinn.'

'I see. Why didn't you dispose of Jinn's padawan?' Sidious wanted to know why his apprentice missed such a golden opportunity to fulfill his long-time wish to spill Jedi blood.

Maul gave him a dubious look from under the hood.

'It would have raised suspicion in Jinn. What if he stole another ship and took the Queen from the planet?' he defended his choice.

'Ah, yes, of course. I was just testing you, Maul,' Sidious replied irately.

'After determining the Queen wasn't there, I followed her and Jinn to the settlement, before the nightfall,' Maul continued, but his Master interrupted again.

'I expect then you struck at their most vulnerable under the cover of the night?' he risked a guess.

'Actually, no, Master, there was a sandstorm all night and I had to seek shelter in a local cantina.'

Maul's disillusioning only served to frustrate Sidious, as he was used to always being correct and getting his way.

'A sandstorm! A mere inconvenience of a weather conquered you, a mighty Sith Lord? Didn't I teach you how to make an impenetrable air bubble with the Force?' he snapped.

'I didn't have enough time to practice, Master. You'd shown it to me just before I left,' Maul pointed out.

Sidious supposed it was true, however he wasn't going to admit his apprentice right.

'I don't have time to waste hearing your pathetic excuses, Maul!' he scolded bitingly, then regained his composure. 'Well, I assume the next day you caught Jinn unawares and struck, perhaps when he was in the refresher?'

'N-not exactly, Master. I couldn't find him, because there was this big podrace there and half the planet came to watch it...'

'… so you ended up watching the race instead of hunting the Jedi?' Sidious finished for him.

'The Force was too turbulent to get a clear read on him,' Maul feebly justified. No need to mention he woke up late and with head-splitting hungover, right?

'I said to spare me your excuses,' the Sith Master reiterated menacingly. Seeing his apprentice properly cowed, he ordered him to continue.

'I decided to ambush Jinn on his way back to the Queen's ship, so I returned to Infiltrator, however...' Maul barely suppressed the urge to gulp nervously. It was by far the worst part. He remembered to be brave and embrace the pain which was most likely to come after his admission.

'Yes? What is it, Maul?' Sidious asked as the pause was getting too long.

'… it wasn't there. It was stolen, but I reclaimed it,' the Zabrak rushed through the explanation, leaving out the unnecessary and embarrassing details. He was quite certain his Master wasn't interested in learning how he had desperately combed through countless square kilometers of sandy landscape, running around in entirely black attire unfit for desert travel, in a scorching heat of two suns, which made him sweat like a pig and almost die of dehydration if not for a timely rescue by the Jawas in their sandcrawler. He still couldn't make up his mind about what was more humiliating – almost dieing of dehydration of all things or being saved by such pathetic weak creatures. Even finding out what happened to his most prized possession, as he had been sure the Jawas had had it for a time, proved to be a trial. After he'd failed to pluck out the information straight from the source as he was unable to make heads or tails of what he'd seen in that garbage chutes they called grandly their minds, he'd had to pay them for the protocol droid's services, so he could understand the high-pitched, headache-inducing jabbering which could be very loosely termed as language.

Thankfully, he'd managed to glean out from them that a tribe of Sandpeople had bought the ship in the early morning. For what reason, he hadn't cared for the moment. Not one to leave the bussiness unfinished, he'd slaughtered the creatures, though even then they'd managed to sour his mood since killing them gave the same level of enjoyment as squishing ants under his heel. Irked, he'd taken the Jawas' landspeeder and gone to hunt.

Finding the location of the tribe had been so easy, Maul had thought his misfortunes had finally passed. He'd stealthily crept aboard the ship, sure of his success, when his hopes had been brutally dashed. With growing horror he'd noticed the scent of smoke. In panic he'd run to the cockpit, where he'd stopped still in his tracks upon noticing a tribesman tentatively holding a bundle of cables torn out from under the pilot console. The primitive savage had honked to himself dumbly, as if surprised by the sparks coming from the damaged place.

Maul had seen red.

The next thing he remembered, he'd been outside, a few mutilated corpses scattered around, but not too many. The rest of the Sandpeople had probably escaped.

The Sith apprentice supposed there was no point in telling his irate Master about the heroic struggle to repair the ship on time without the help of the manual which had been lost decades before he'd become the vessel's proud owner. So he skipped to the most crucial part of his report.

'Because of this inconvenience I was delayed and the Queen and the strange creature she brought had already returned to their ship. Seizing the opportunity, I surprised Jinn with my attack. Of course, I had a clear advantage over him...' Maul became impassioned in his speech, however the ramble was cut short by his exasperated Master.

'But he still ran away,' Sidious bit off. 'How did _that_ happen, Lord Maul?' he asked drawling.

The Zabrak Sith quietened, eyes guiltily cast down in embarrassment.

'Sand got in my eyes,' he said in small voice.

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A/N: Thanks for reading and please review! I'm open to all opinions, critiques, suggestions and advice. Also, stay tuned for chapter 2!


	2. Qui-Gon's Downfall

Summary: During TPM. What caused Qui-Gon's downfall?

Standard disclaimer applies.

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**Qui-Gon's Downfall**

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Jedi Knight Qui-Gon Jinn was happy with himself. The Queen's plan to fight off the invading Trade Federation proceeded smoothly. They were already in the Royal Palace while all the droid army engaged the Gungan forces on the plains. The Jedi allowed himself a mental pat on the back for picking up Jar Jar when he first came to Naboo. He always knew the clumsy Gungan would become handy. Take that, Obi-Wan!

His apprentice sensed the smugness radiating from him and frowned in annoyance. Not only his Qui-Gon's tendency to pick up strays was irritating, but also the young Jedi had a bad feeling about coming to the Palace, which had been immediately disregarded by his master. _Doesn't he have any sense of danger whatsoever? _Obi-Wan thought irritated.

The group came to an abrupt stop when the exit door from the hangar slid open. Behind them stood the sinister black-clad Zabrak warrior, giving off the intense air of bloodlust.

The Jedi knew who it was – a Sith, their mortal enemy. The Dark Side energy emanating from him paralyzed them with fear for a second. Then Qui-Gon squared his shoulders and stepped to the front of the Queen's unit, the padawan right beside him.

'We'll handle this,' he said with conviction.

The Queen didn't waste any time and left the Force-users to their business; she had a planet to save.

The Jedi and the Sith shed their cloaks for easy movement and activated lightsabers. The battle began in earnest.

Darth Maul was where he belonged – fighting the Jedi and he enjoyed every second of it, knowing he could finish them off any time. It was quite amusing to see them constantly get in each other's way and disrupting the attacks on him, which then enabled him to lay a painful hit in their gut. Because of this, the padawan fell back, while Maul was luring his unsuspecting master to the reactor's exhaust shaft, where he planned to exact his vengeance for the humiliating encounter on Tatooine.

The laser walls separated the three fighters giving them a moment to gather thoughts and prepare for the undoubtedly final clash.

Maul was enraged by the wait and impatiently paced along the barrier. In turn, Qui-Gon seemed to gain back his composure as he kneeled, pretending to meditate while in reality he did it just to surreptitiously pull up his trousers. Obi-Wan looked pretty alarmed due to his bad feeling intensifying. He needed to hurry to his master's side before he decided to finish the Sith all by himself.

The laser walls receded and the warriors sprang to action – Qui-Gon didn't wait for support, instead engaging Maul in the graceful exchange. The longer they fought, the more self-assured he became.

_This Sith isn't as strong as he looks! I just need to relax and let the living Force guide me! It'll never lead me astray!_ the Jedi thought while parrying a strike from his opponent. He retaliated in kind and continued the inner monologue. _On Tatooine, he had the element of surprise, but here I'm going to teach him a lesson!_ He frowned as they both took a step back and regarded each other. At the same time, the enlightment came unbidden. For a split second his concentration on the battle waned. _Yes! That's exactly what I should do! My duty to the... Force... Why is there a lightsaber in my chest?_

Darth Maul, who had already decided the Jedi's prowess in a duel wasn't enough to entertain him anymore, used a moment of unexplained distraction to deal a finishing blow. The look of utter astonishment on his opponent's face made him smirk darkly, pleased at the superb handiwork in dispatching so-called master in swordsmanship. Now, he had only to take care of the one loose end, the padawan... That would be a piece of cake!

A short while later, after Maul's bisected corpse had fallen down the exhaust shaft, the despairing padawan knelt at the side of his dying master.

'Master Qui-Gon, please, don't die! Help will be here soon!' he begged.

'This is... the end... The circle is complete,' the wizened Jedi whispered, feeling his death approaching quickly. 'Obi-Wan, you must promise me... one thing...'

'Anything, master!'

'The Chosen One... train him...'

'Anakin? Of course, I'll do it!' Obi-Wan agreed right away.

'Yes, Anakin too, but I wasn't talking about him. There is another one... much more powerful... you must take as your apprentice... The Force revealed it to me just before I was wounded...'

'I'll do it, master! Tell me, who is it?' Obi-Wan was even more eager to grant the dying man's last wish since he didn't have to be responsible for that living disaster, Anakin. No one can be worse apprentice material than that, right?

'Please... train him... Train...' the light was leaving Qui-Gon's eyes.

'Yes? Who is it?' his padawan leaned down to hear the last whisper.

'...Jar Jar...' The Jedi Knight exhaled weakly for the last time and passed away.

'...'

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The bright flames of the funeral pyre were the only source of light on this balmy late Naboo evening. The gathering which consisted mainly of the Jedi gazed at the fire morosely, making their peace with the passing of their old friend, comrade and fellow Jedi Knight, Qui-Gon. The recently knighted apprentice of the departed, Obi-Wan stood near the front, the drawn hood obscuring his eyes. At his side was a little blond boy, whom Qui-Gon brought from the distant Tatooine to train as a Jedi.

'What's going to happen to me now?' the boy, Anakin, looked up to Obi-Wan sadly.

The young Jedi clenched his right fist, hidden by the long sleeve of his robes. The left one was put on the boy's shoulder in a gesture of support.

'Don't worry, Anakin,' he replied. 'Master Qui-Gon believed that you will become a great Jedi. I'm going to train you.'

The child gave him a short, relieved smile, then resumed looking into the flames. Obi-Wan hid his own relieved smile.

A shape of a Gungan was caught at the peripheries of his vision and he recoiled in reflex. Thankfully, when he checked, there really was no Gungan there. As a precaution he resolved to never, not under any circumstances, come back to Naboo again.

The End

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A/N: Thanks for reading and please review!


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